First Time

The very first time I laid eyes upon you Heaven and Earth seemed to coexist
on the same realm
Unexplainable how it felt hold on I’m getting ahead of myself
The foreknowledge of our meeting always kept butterflies in my stomach
the tentative, uncertain, excitement, heightened my sensitive inner child
Would I be what you need encompassing you as a human being
fulfilling you completely
The constant contemplating the anticipation of awaiting my destiny dreadful ecstasy
But the fulfilling, feeling that you complete me oh so heavenly
It all came to fruition I tell you, from the moment I held you
your first gaze penetrated my soul
Truth be told in those first few seconds I became old-er
wise beyond my years, a first time like this I’ve never experienced
it brought me to tears
those inadequate inadequacies no longer fears
God are you listening, open your eyes
Thank you for sending me something all mine
A constant reminder of my first time.

© Life On Purpose LLC 2008. All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. Except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, no part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission in writing from Life On Purpose LLC and/or Angela D. Massey.

 

These Walls

 They say if these walls could talk sometimes I feel as if these

walls stalk

They’re constantly talking to me

Wall number three talks about felonies, lawyer fees, trial by juries calling

me number twenty that ain’t my name

Wall number four be buggin, he’s temperamental

talking about these fake thugs thuggin

you know the ones that talk louder than a mothafucka but

ain’t sayin nothing – yeah, that’s number four

Wall number one talks about my son and how I fell off

my feet, how I can’t feed Julius anything to eat, how our

father-son relationship suffers week to week

Then there’s wall number two he talks about you

he says you won’t last eventually you’ll be through

he told me the best way to deal with this is to get

rid of you

Damn these walls is a mutha’ they’re affecting all areas of my life

my son, my brother, my mother, my wife

Man, bump these walls—they’re trying to take over, trying to tell me

it’s over

Man, forget these walls—I’ve fought but they’re still in my thoughts

Man, fuck these walls—they told me I can’t go home they said

it’s all going to be gone

Man, I’m just trippin’—they just walls

  © Life On Purpose LLC 2008. All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. Except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, no part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission in writing from Life On Purpose LLC and/or Angela D. Massey. 

Love the One You With

Either destiny tricked me or I fooled myself into believing

when you walked into my life, you were better than my wife

They always say the grass is greener on the other side

That’s a boldface lie!  Truth is, you better love the one you with

From the first time I see you sensuality exudes from your personality

your mentality pure sexuality, it’s like you are sex materialized in flesh

Oh dear God you are blessed, you’re putting me to the test

as you take my fingertips and trace your lips down your sensuous curves

to your hips

Stop I think

I better love the one I’m with

Now you’re telling me your inner most secrets

as I’m entering your most secret place

passion like this I had forgot how it taste

but the deeper my stroke goes, the more my guilt grows

at the height of my ectasy

I open my closed eyes slow to see if my guilt shows

and I see a smirk forming across your mouth

then I remember I was supposed to pull out

oh shit

I shouldn’t have loved the one I was with

A year later baby mama drama by the same woman that I

thought was sex in flesh

she’s nothing more than a devil in a red dress

As for me, I’m miserable cause I lost the love of my life

the one that changed my darkness to light, my wife

and even though I apologized with plenty of remorse

she still decided to get a divorce

Of course all this wouldn’t have happened if I would have loved the one I was with.

    © Life On Purpose LLC 2008. All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. Except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, no part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission in writing from Life On Purpose LLC and/or Angela D. Massey.

Out of Sight Out of Mind

Time erodes sight also memory

I realize if you can no longer visualize me

in your first and second eye then I will cease to exist in your third

“Absurd,” you say; “Unheard of,” you protest

to think that I could suggest such an atrocity

but as calendar pages continue to turn

I discern you must have glaucoma or some kind of eye sickness

I’ve witnessed your vision go from 20/20 to damn near blind

you didn’t let Mother Nature take her course you

accelerated time

you’ve self-inflicted your loss of sight

It’s like I never existed

Has my memory lost the fight?

  © Life On Purpose LLC 2008. All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. Except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, no part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission in writing from Life On Purpose LLC and/or Angela D. Massey.

Situational Love

Should our positions in life change how we feel about each other?

Me here, you there.  Does that mean that we have to cease to be lovers?

When I vowed to stay committed to our love forever

never once did I contemplate I’d break that vow if we weren’t together

worse or better, sunshine or bad weather

our bond was supposed to be unbreakable – nothing could sever

Not so, for situations have become a factor, the last time I said “I love you”

I should have been an actor

Emotion was devoid from my voice

I think I said it merely out of routine, not by choice

Not to say our love never existed

I think it mutated to the situation once put in

the position

One of us had to say it, our love has been tainted

Our situations have changed it

and that’s not love

Love is earth shattering, ground breaking, breath-taking, heartaching

Situation unchanging.

  © Life On Purpose LLC 2008. All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. Except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, no part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission in writing from Life On Purpose LLC and/or Angela D. Massey.

Through My Eyes (To my son, Julius)

Perceptions change with different viewpoints perceived deception

or acceptance to truth lies in whose eyes you’re in possession

yours or mine

My eyes see repressed emotions causing depression stressing

over my decisions wishing I could change life’s direction

Questions, answers I will provide

just take this journey with me and try to see life through my eyes

The visitations, the lack of cohabitation not your fault

the realization that she and I could not exist therefore as

three would have been devastation, a detriment to your maturation

growth process

I understand that doesn’t make up for your lost firsts crawl, walk, talk

I just thought separated we could remain close

Determined to travel the long distance out of this situation

We’d have to make the most

I’d provide for you financially.  Make sure you have what you need

As my seed you are my responsibility

Four years later as I reflect I’ve come to accept

That I made a grave mistake

At times the distance has been too great to travel

Emotionally and physically

As my life unravels

My heart aches cause I miss you huggin’ and kissin’ me

And when you called me by my first name, damn! it hit me

I should have used my heart, not my mind

Four years later no matter how hard I try

I still can’t turn back time, I’ve come to realize

we both hurt, we both cry

and that ain’t changing no matter how you look at it

through your eyes or mine.

  © Life On Purpose LLC 2008. All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. Except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, no part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission in writing from Life On Purpose LLC and/or Angela D. Massey.

Till We Meet Again

Is it possible our being together in this lifetime

was a chance meeting

Perhaps destiny already marked our path

in the next

He had to.  The way we emotionally connect, the way our

bodies intertwine as one when we had sex, the loneliness

I felt when you left

I’ve come to accept we’re soul mates in the grand scheme

of things fate chose to make us wait

Too much discontentment, heartache, and obstacles to overcome

in this era

Commitment to husbands and wives

sentenced us to a distant forever

I’m convinced you are my Eve

somewhere trapped in you is a part of me, my rib

So fulfillment in the next lifetime I will take from

destiny and not wait for him to give

Alas

The realization that we’re facing a lifetime of patience,

Waiting for reincarnation – devastating, breath-taking

I literally can’t breathe

My need

for you so strong

This cruel joke destiny and fate played on us so wrong

So the question isn’t where, but when

So long , my love

Till we meet again.

   © Life On Purpose LLC 2008. All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. Except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, no part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission in writing from Life On Purpose LLC and/or Angela D. Massey.

Mind Games

I love the way your mind ticks

When you play your mind tricks

You stimulate my thoughts

Always willing to learn to be taught

As you stroke my ego

Physically vibing with me on the right tempo

The effect of your mind fucking

Keeps me cumin

Back

Losing track

Of time

Keep playing with my mind

I’m going insane

Your brain has been enhanced with countless hours of my teachings,

instructional videos, weeknight services – I mean night school sessions

Can you blame me? It’s almost religious

The mind game you play

More than amazing

More than wonderful

Simply stupendous

 

© Life On Purpose LLC. All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. Except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, no part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission in writing from Life On Purpose LLC and/or Angela D. Massey.

Uncomfortable In My Own Skin

Peel back my skin you’ll see my nerves having uncontrollable spasms

Why? Cause I’m uncomfortable in my own skin

Have you looked at my skin lately?

The shade is repulsive

I’m constantly wanting to switch skins with the other men

I’m com-pul-sively, un-con-troll-ably

uncomfortable in my own skin

 

From what I’ve learned since childhood

the brighter the skin, the better the men

white is pure, glory, black is evil

Society told me God loves everything white better including people

They’re constantly pounding in my head

Deadbeat Dads, crack add-icts, prison yard faggots, we’re worthless maggots,

Welfare recipients – I’ve had it!

I’m uncomfortable in my own skin!

 

And T.V. doesn’t help my self image, it just continues to blemish

Murderers, armed robbers, car jackers, drug traffickers

I’m surprised they don’t make mug shots blacker

To drive home the fictional point that my kind are the only ones doing crime

Best believe we’re the ones serving time

And you wonder why

I’m uncomfortable in my own skin!

 

I’m also uneducated, only if you call a 9^th grade education adequate

Another one of society’s self esteem lowering tactics

Now minimum wage lies ahead, forced to work with my hands, not my head

Scrounging pennies till I’m dead, got six mouths to feed, one bed to sleep, no self-esteem

Cause I can’t feed my family

Father forgive me

I hope this is not a sin, but I’m uncomfortable in my skin

 

With clarity of mind, I’ve come to realize that callin women bitches, and hos’,

Pumping the community with kilos of snow

Totin glocks with infared beams, teenage pregnancy

All apart of society’s scheme

To perpetuate self hate, well we’ve taken the bait

I’m not the only who is

Uncomfortable in their own skin.

 

© Life On Purpose LLC. All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. Except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, no part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission in writing from Life On Purpose LLC and/or Angela D. Massey.

A Way to Hear My Son

Hello World,

This blog has been started to share the thoughts of my son, Adrian.  Adrian is a prison inmate and has been since 2001.  Because he is in a different state I don’t get a chance to see him often, and there are no words to express how much I miss him. 

A little about Adrian:

He’s 28 and one of the smartest people I know.  He’s the middle son of my three sons.  Adrian loves a challenge and he’s a great Scrabble player (inherited from his mom!)!! He’s a vorocious reader and converses on all kinds of topics — politics, religion, world history — just to name a few.  He’s the very proud father of Julius.  Julius is 8, and looks so much like his dad it’s incredible.  Last year I took Julius to visit Adrian and that was the first time he had seen Julius since he was 2.  Julius had no cognitive recognition or memory of his dad, so Christmas 2006 was quite a holiday for both of them.  The look on both of their faces the first time they saw eachother is forever etched in my memory. 

Well, that’s it for now.  I will be posting Adrian’s poems here so that he has a voice.  And to all the moms with incarcerated children…you and your family are in my prayers.

Adrian’s Mom